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Plumber Jokes, Stories & Dirty One-Liners

Looking for plumber jokes for a birthday card, speech or to make fun of a mate? Here’s a round-up of our favourite jokes about plumbers.

Use these one-liners and stories that are among the most popular plumber jokes and funny stories.

Jokes For Plumbers

  • Why did the plumber become a chef?
    Because he knows how to fix leaks!
  • Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
    To get to the bottom, where the plumber fixed the leak!
  • What did one toilet say to the other?
    “You look flushed!”
  • Why did the plumber go to therapy?
    He had too many pipe dreams!
  • Why did the plumber bring a ladder to work?
    Because he heard the job was “up and coming.”
  • What’s a plumber’s favorite game?
  • Why do plumbers make good comedians?
    Because they have the best pipe humor!
  • What’s a plumber’s favorite type of music?
    Pipe organ music!
  • Why did the plumber break up with his girlfriend?
    She kept draining him emotionally!
  • How many plumbers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, that’s an electrician’s job! But if you want it done right, call a plumber!

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Dirty Plumber Jokes

  • What did the plumber say to the attractive customer?
    “You’ve got some pipes that could use a good checking!”
  • How does a plumber compliment someone?
    “You’ve got pipes that make my wrench tighten!”
  • Why did the plumber blush?
    He found himself in a tight spot and couldn’t handle the pressure!
  • What did the plumber say to the faucet?
    “You’re dripping with elegance!”
  • Why do Aussie women marry plumbers?
    They love the way he goes down under.

More Jokes About Plumbers

  • Why did the plumber go to the party?
    To get the beer and call the electrician.
  • What puts a smile on a plumber’s face any time of day?
    Overtime pay.
  • What’s the ideal birthday gift for a plumber?
    A pipe cleaning.
  • What comes after a plumber’s birthday celebration?
    Laying some pipe, of course.
  • What do plumbers dream of?
    Pipe dreams.
  • What do plumbers have when they fall asleep?
    Pipe dreams.
  • How can you distinguish between a chemist and a plumber?
    Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”
  • What’s the plumber’s message to customers?
    Every flush feeds my family.
  • What’s the similarity between a doctor and a plumber?
    They both bury their mistakes.
  • What’s the difference between a doctor and a plumber?
    A doctor washes his hands after using the toilet, but a plumber washes his hands before.
  • How are bodybuilders and plumbers alike?
    They both love pumping iron.
  • What’s the difference between a bodybuilder and a plumber?
    A plumber’s pipes always stay hard.
  • Did you hear about the miracle of the blind plumber?
    He picked up a hammer and saw.
  • A plumber is the only person who can take a leak while fixing one!
  • Someone broke into the local police station and stole the toilet. Right now, the Police say they have nothing to go on…
  • What’s one thing you’ll never see a plumber do?
    Bite his nails.
  • Why does Australia need skilled plumbers?
    Because it is surrounded by water.
  • What draws many Aussies to the plumbing industry?
    They love going down under.
  • Plumbing is the only profession where you’ll hear, ‘Be sure your joints have lots of dope in them.’
  • Plumbers are the only people on Earth who can feel good about being sh*tty.

Funny Plumber Stories & Jokes

The Forgetful Plumber

A plumber was called to fix a leaky faucet in a customer’s kitchen. As he was working, the homeowner noticed that the plumber kept mumbling to himself.

Curious, the homeowner asked, “Is everything okay?” The plumber replied, “Oh, I’m just talking to your pipes. You wouldn’t believe the stories they tell me. Yours forgot to mention it had a leak!”

The Talking Toilet

A homeowner called a plumber because their toilet was making strange noises. After a thorough inspection, the plumber said, “Your toilet seems to be a talkative one.”

Perplexed, the homeowner asked, “What do you mean?” The plumber replied, “Every time I flush, it says, ‘Goodbye, see you later!'”

The Honest Plumber

A plumber finished fixing a client’s plumbing issue and handed them the bill. The client, surprised by the honesty, said, “You worked so quickly. Are you sure this is a fair price?”

The plumber smiled and said, “Lady, you’re not paying me for the time it took to fix it; you’re paying me for knowing how to fix it in minutes after years of experience!”

Famous Plumber Quotes

“Television is like indoor plumbing – a modern marvel that keeps us indoors, changing habits without changing our address.” – Alfred Hitchcock

“I confessed to my wife that I was seeing a psychiatrist. She confessed she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“Not only is there no God, but finding a plumber on Sunday is as likely as divine intervention.” – Woody Allen

“If you doubt the ingenuity of a plumber, just wait until you get the bill. They’re the real resourceful wizards!” – George Meany

“Being a plumber is unique – fixing leaks while taking a leak, a multitasking marvel!” – Joyce Hart